Apache RTR 160 waiting

Apache RTR 160 Refresh.... Its coming and this time its really coming, or so i want to believe. Coz, its now or never.... Thats my queen, my latest crush and i will her this time. especially when the desire is at its peak, there's no power on earth that can stop one from achieveing and i am consistently in love with this.... and i know how to win my love... and its not because i can purchase it... but because my desire to get it is much deeper and stronger than any of my current amibitions.... My Queen m coming... wait for our first date.... and i will bowl you out!!!

Isn’t it time to take a stand and move ahead….?? Isn’t it time to stop running after a mirage, after something for which I don’t have much significance, letting go off something that doesn’t understands me, that has no time, orientation, motivation to treat me as what I am…. ??
Why should I spend time behind something where my existence is common, where I lose my specialty, my uniqueness, my original self, my ambitions which brought me to Mumbai? True, I now realize that I am gradually cruising towards something where my only existence is reduced to a name in the long list of wishful thinkers!!
This is not what I am… This is not why I came here for. I know my abilities have brought me so far instead of committing blunders in the true sense of the word in my life. And my abilities can take me places only if I am consistent and persistent. But where am I heading now…..??
Spending my day and night thinking of not the noblest idea which made me a rebel in my family and amongst my friends… but thinking of something which is sapping me off my energy and subtly killing the impossible ambitions….. which I thought only I can achieve and accomplish!
Yes, it is time to move ahead. To tell myself that some things are not worth the effort… perhaps that’s why I didn’t ever put in that extra effort - because in some obscure corner of my heart I knew that IT IS NOT WORTH THE EFFORT!! That’s what has held me back for so many months from going after what I now prefer calling a ‘mirage’. In hindsight, it is actually a useless addiction, an obsession, a run where, in the end, even the victory of ‘Ego’ is the defeat of ‘I’.
Well, that’s it… now when I read back… I realize that I have become a self-obsessed freak… something which was so badly detested by me some years ago….. To prove the point just consider … In the above 342 words write-up there are 20 ‘I’s’; nine ‘Me’s’ and 15 ‘My’s’!!!
Can I really write something without these words now… what about the world, the blasts in Bangalore and Ahmedabad, what about the state of affairs in the society, about politics, about business, about friends, about family and above all the country?????
This simple realization means that ‘I’ is no more the sacred word for me because it is driven by only self-obsessed pursuits. Life has actually started revolving around myself… clogged in the cobwebs of SELF…. And that’s the reason why a career like journalism has lost its sheen for me…. I HAVE BECOME SELFISH…. SELF OBSESSED….. SELF CENTRED!!!!
Know it well that these are negative auto-suggestions which can push me deeper into loneliness and shove me into teething solitude.
And if we are strong enough, we can learn and change… I will have to change…..
I know ‘I’ was my sole companion when I was passing through the most grueling phase of troubles and tribulations some three years ago… then I changed, worked for the people for two years… weaved dreams surrounding them and their best interest and ‘I’ became a sacred word… but it has become corrupted now….
My life has started revolving around two people – me and that one thing that I mentioned above … call it obsession, passion, desire or just a liking.
Whatever it is… it cannot be love… which I always thought was the most sacred of all feelings…. Love cannot make you selfish, it cannot make you self-centered. Its work is to motivate you and make you do something for those who want it. I have love in my heart and it is for all those who need it and the world needs it!!!
I knew this some time back, I knew this some one year ago, I knew this that people need me and I need them even more…. And I was moving straight. Then one find day I was lost… found myself stranded in the midst of thousands of people who are more selfish than self interested.
And the heart that knew how to love one and all – lost the feeling. Now, I am moving through a mist of uncountable emotions which has everything - but not love.
True love will come; it will come through these multitudes that I love. It will come through the effort to selflessly trying to do something for the world, for the people and for all those who cannot give me something in return in cash or kind.
I cannot wander behind just one person…. behind just one thing, especially when that is beautiful to an extent that it makes you selfish… something that makes me selfish and confused and pushes me to a time when I was learning the basics of relationships…
All great pursuits are selfish, noble and makes one grow from within and in that process grows the world which is influenced by that pursuit…. Higher the pursuit… higher the influence and higher the impact and more encompassing the change.
And the change has to be initiated first from within…. Change yourself and you will change the world…
TRY TRY and TRY until you succeed PERIOD

ONCE AGAIN

Once again in the same mire
Once again the same desire.
Once again weaving dreams
Once again the same old scenes!

Life springs in deja vu
And comes back to square one,
Again becomes special the word 'YOU'
Again hope ushers in from the rays of sun!

Again i want to grow from within
My ambitions again have meaning,
Again the dormant man wakes up
And wants to move beyond weaning!

Faith and hope opens its eyes
Again dons the battle gear
Once again i want to shun my vice
And care for somebody's tear!

Aware i was for a long time
That it happened in a year
And said i am an ant in the battle
Among others i was always a mere

Know it not I
What is inthe time's lap,
But again i see the blue sky
And with wishes my wings flap!

Once again i want to live and die
Once again i want to cry
Again i want to live with someone
Once again for someone i want to die!!

HAYWIRE !!

Dont know what to write... or in fact have a lot to write, to speak out whatever's there inside me that is raring to move out and make it known. But... Life is driving me bonkers!! I am smiling yet i am not, i am happy yet i am not and i want to speak out and yet i am not.
No this is not what i had thought for myself.... was i ever like this? I guess i was not. In hindsight, i think i was like this. am feeling as if my own original self, which gave me confidence and strength, is moving through an unending directless maze with no milestones to guide me. i feel i am inching closer to a place which is not meant for me.... where i will end up being a loser.
Heck! What am i writing. Of course i am not in a balanced state of mind... but then that was a chronic problem i was born with.
What does a balanced state of mind means?? well, u behave in front of people and people treat u as somebody serious towards life, responsible towards your duty and have an organised state of affairs and above all you are straight-forward. Am i not straight-forward, am i not responsible, am i not serious about my life and about the things that i desire and want.
No, i am. I am serious about my life, about my dreams and aspirations and about everything.... then why do i feel like this. That's because i make myself think like this... i am special and important for myself and i am responsible and careful for everything that i like or desire. But why am i assuring myself. Dont know.... just know that i need some time alone to introspect and plan and work towards whatever i desire and dream of....
1.14 pm

AN EVENING TO REMEMBER !!

Just because i have decided to refrain myself from chattting as an experimental exercise, i thought would send u a mail instead.

Moreover, mails, even in the electronic form, are becoming fast obsolete, so by taking the pains (sic) of writing a mail i am actually taking forward a fading electronic tradition propagated by the American intelligence and promoted by Sabeer Bhatia.

Well, now as the credits are over, first things first.

You are magical. Absolutely magical!!

Last evening, the five-six hours that i had the priviledge of spending with you will linger in my memory as one of the best spent evenings. Even better than when i went out on my first date with my one-time crush.

Although, the crush is long crushed under the beauty of the exponentially beautiful girsl of Lucknow, Nagpur and MUmbai and Pune, but no other evenings after my first date ever qualified to replace that. But yesterday's eve stands a good chance... and has partly replaced it as well!!

Though, there was nothing special that happened and neither was i expecting something to happen, but the simplicity with which the things fell in place was so perfect, as if it was pre-ordained. And the credit goes to you, your simplicity, your childishness and they perfect way you carry yourself.

Your constant chatter punctuated by that infectious smile is still lingering around me. So much so that i actually have a hangoevr today in spite of not drinking last night. Its the hanover of your beauty, i guess, needless to add that it is intoxicating.

The effect was so intense that an uncanny complexity engulfed me later in the evening, and i was actuali feeling quite inferior in ur presence and lost my own funny self somewhere in the midst of conversations, predominantly done by you.

But thats again a compliment for you. IN fact thanks to you that i discovered a special quality in me.... that even i can stay quiet, calm and gained quite a few points which indicate that i can also be a good listener, even if that means listening to 'girls'.

See, that is the beauty of even being uncomfortale with some like you..... i ended up actually enjoying. So, the credit again goes to you.

But now as you read the mail, you must be smiling, provided you didnt have good start to your morning. and the smile that is now on your face... the final credit goes to me. So i end up winning in both ways. Huh, i am actualli kidding.

My you get evrything in life, and may i get many more such evenings....... through you and thorugh other beautiful girls who ever walked on the streets of Mumbai.

Hats off to you, your infectious smile, and hats off to God for creating beautiful GIRLS!!!

Promit is gasping!!! :-)

PS: The contents of the email above are purely a work of fiction and bear no resemblance to any person dead or alive.

OFFICE AT 12

For the last couple of days i am coming to office at 12. Does that mean i am not working hard.. i guess it means i am just not focussed. So many things to do and so much time i can actually fish out from the 24 hours of a day, but it all gets spent in lethargy, idle pursuits and gossips. But then, this is life.

Everybody come to office to work. I come for picnic, for devising means and ways to do less work in more time and to pretend that i am one of the most energetic and efficient and hard working journalist DNA Money ever got since its inception on August 2, 2005.

My organisation, i believe, is lucky that is has ME.... one who is tactful enough to create an impression that i work the most. And i feel proud when people say that i have 'zeal'... (though i dnt realli know the meaning of it, but i guess anything that sounds music to the ears is positive and should be taken as an honourarium... if it is for u.)

Hey, i am having a feeling that i am the BEST. Despite all my shortcomings, which i guess are none but still used the word to sound modest and humble, i am good at almost everything. Whether it is pretending, whether it is spending time aimlessly, or even when i am angry and when i am laughing!!

Now that i have praised myself so much, i have boosted my self-esteem to an extent that i think now i can take a break and go for a smoke.... my favourite companion with whom i share a sweet camaraderie... a Gold Flake king size and all its twin brothers and sisters that pop out of a Rs 40 packet, are the luckiest bunch of guys who know me in and out..... with every drag of the king... i feel like a king... and the intensity of the drag actually tell the stub how am i feeling... down and out, up and high, sentimental, romantic and even horny!! ha ha

Hats off to ITC. An ode to all smokers in the world will follow suit soon....

Now lets get back to pretending

;-)

The day after

Now i knw how did Shahrukh got his six packs.... BY doing rafting n Kolad everyday from 8.30 to 12.... Gosh... in one day of rafting n i already have one pack.... one on abs, one on bums, one each on each hands and almost at every part of my body where its paining.. n its paining like hell!!

The tales of the trip will be posted later... when i reali have time to think and write.