HAYWIRE !!

Dont know what to write... or in fact have a lot to write, to speak out whatever's there inside me that is raring to move out and make it known. But... Life is driving me bonkers!! I am smiling yet i am not, i am happy yet i am not and i want to speak out and yet i am not.
No this is not what i had thought for myself.... was i ever like this? I guess i was not. In hindsight, i think i was like this. am feeling as if my own original self, which gave me confidence and strength, is moving through an unending directless maze with no milestones to guide me. i feel i am inching closer to a place which is not meant for me.... where i will end up being a loser.
Heck! What am i writing. Of course i am not in a balanced state of mind... but then that was a chronic problem i was born with.
What does a balanced state of mind means?? well, u behave in front of people and people treat u as somebody serious towards life, responsible towards your duty and have an organised state of affairs and above all you are straight-forward. Am i not straight-forward, am i not responsible, am i not serious about my life and about the things that i desire and want.
No, i am. I am serious about my life, about my dreams and aspirations and about everything.... then why do i feel like this. That's because i make myself think like this... i am special and important for myself and i am responsible and careful for everything that i like or desire. But why am i assuring myself. Dont know.... just know that i need some time alone to introspect and plan and work towards whatever i desire and dream of....
1.14 pm